So the last few weeks Ive been feeling a little unfufilled. Its truly appalling for me to say something like that; I have family that adore and are adored, I have friends whom are never short of whatever I need, be it a laugh, an insult, a hug or a reality check!, I have an income, atleast for the moment and I have passion. Too much passion if that were possible sometimes. I wonder what it is like to not have an extensive opinion 0n something. If I know what something is I have an opinion on it, its instantaneous, and Ill passionately argue my opinion, usually to the fury, amusement or wonder of my 'oponent' in my head, in reality 'converser'. Still I guess to be over-filled with passion is better than to be void of it; I am passionately incensed by those with no passion, to me it is to have no care for life if you have no passion. It would seem I care a shit-load! And yes that is a technical term for quite a significant amount!
So anyway back to the point; Im feeling a little unfufilled. I have just spent the last sixteen years of my life, and Ive nearly clocked up twenty-one years round the sun, should be getting a free trip soon I should think, studying, learning, going to school and doing assignments. I loved, hated, was infuriated, cried and laughed during these sixteen years. Most importantly, particularly during the later years and especially at uni, I developed a purpose. I started to guide some of my untamed passion into a focused area; the juvenile justice system. That is my Everest. It is my goal to work in this area, and make a difference. I feel like the path Ive taken, or been led on, has brought me to this conclusion; my passions fit perfectly with this field. I have so much heart for improving access to justice and trying to help juveniles caught up in the justice system. And now, a brag worthy fact, I have a Bachelor of Justice and Society to prove that Ive got the knowledge to work in this area.
Ill admit I havent flogged my guts out. Ive been lazy, Ive been frustrated with the sheer stupidity of some of the assignments and stupid uni rules relating to them. However each assignment has improved my reasoning and logic and occassionally I learned something new, which is suprising for a know it all like me!
In terms of an analogy it seems like the last twenty-one years of my life have been preparing and training for the great race of life. I trained, I practised and I got ready and steady. Ive been applying for jobs, written countless cover letters, wrote about how amazing I am over and over. Im poised on the track, ready to leap off and run my heart out for God, for his purpose, to fufill his plans, and use my unbridled passion to better the disadvantaged. But for fucks sake they wont shoot the damn gun!
I guess, Ive still got a little more training to go, I certainly dont want a false start. So until then Ill keep doing what Im doing, training and practising for when that gun is finally shot.
And its good to know that many racers before me have been poised at the starting line waiting for the gun. Here once again patience is a virtue, one that I may just possess by the time my gun gets shot!
Peace (hopefully for me too)
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