intolerable and impatient

This blog is sparked by a hilarious conversation with my father! I was talking to him about my day and mentioned that once I would have included patience as a virtue I possessed, but that now I had very little patience. My father said, verbatun: "I was going to say, I wouldnt have described you as patience, nor are you tolerant. In fact Id go as far as to say that you are impatient and intolerant! Very amusing honesty from my father ... completely true of course!!!

In other news, on monday I bought myself a t-shirt which says "not all who wander are lost". I love this greatly as quite often I wander around, but Im certainly not lost, I have a compass that never fails, and I dont even need to point it north!
Oh and Im currently running on about two and a half hours sleep thanks to watching Eclipse at 12:30 this morning, so tolerance and patience levels are at an all time low!!!

Ciao Ciao

bos and boxes

I had a thought regarding conformity and went to find a picture of a box to make my point. However as can happen when one thinks of seven things at once, I didnt pay full attention to the keyword I searched and typed in 'bos'. "Oh you idiot" I exclaimed out loud, and then saw these gorgeous pictures that came up;

arent they lovely? Random, but nice all the same!!

Anyway back to the boxes idea:

This is a box. Things fit into it. Essentially conformity is fitting oneself into the box society deems they should fit into. I dont like that at all. The people who are the most interesting are those whom discard the box and just be. I certainly do not ever wish to fit into a box. I like to think I possess some form of diversity, or craziness as it may in fact be. But yes, my thought for the day is conformity is putting people in boxes, and I say lets open up the boxes and discard them! After life is an incredibly short event, why waste it fitting into a box....this reminds me of a quote kind of; in TrueBlood, yes I watch that show, but who could resist this;

Anyway, one vampire was talking to another; both of the vampires in question had partnered humans. They were discussing why it was that they partnered humans and one vampire said words to this effect; "For them life is fleeting, every emotion, every joy, every sorrow is intensified as it could be the last"

I love this. Certainly we are going to a better place once our time on earth is done, but Life itself is an incredible gift. Every joy and sorrow should be experienced as if it were the last, the fact that we can have the experiences which create these reactions is a gift in itself. And I, personally, would take life, with all its sorrow and down times, as for every sorrow there is an even greater joy.

woah I need to learn not to jump so randomly from topic to topic. My brain is fried I swear!!

Ciao a tutti

sometimes breathing is hard

when the music fades, all is stripped away
and I simply come
longing just to be something thats of worth....

Everynow and then when the music fades and im alone with my conscious I am aware of my longing to be something that is of worth.
Sometimes it is hard, when what makes me feel worth is stripped away and its just me and me alone. Like everyone else I struggle to feel enough.

wet socks and wonder!

Im having one of those days, where I wake up fufilled, even though i've had six hours sleep the last two nights! Im happy, in wonder and thrilled with life! I love these moments; perhaps Im in a delusional state due to sleep deprivation and extended use of brain power to write pointless essays...who knows, but Im loving my state of mind!

Last night Monique and I caught up, to "chat about CLW songs" how much we chatted about CLW songs, and how much we chatted about anything but is totally besides the point! Im getting rather excited about the camp and I freaking LOVE music and singing...Im not sure on the science of this, but if your vocal cords are muscle, mine are ripped...I cannot stop singing!

Im also nearing the end of The Shack...most amazing book....Im so very tempted to buy another copy and leave it on a train; If I wasnt sure someone would use the pages to roll cigarettes or simply deface something so filled with truth, Id do it....perhaps I will anyway, give myself a little faith in humanity and see if I can make someone's life a little truer.

freaking another amazing quote from the book; "you can kiss your family and friends goodbye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you"- frederick buechner

I absolutely adore this, because the mayhem in my mind is most certainly a place where I carry those I love....totally solidifies the saying "in a world of my own" urgh words cannot express the purity and brilliance of this statement. I pity the person who doesnt have this, coz without our friends and families, and a place of our own to escape to when reality drags us down, would be truly awful, living the joys of dual worlds keeps me, well certainly not sane, but happy for sure!

anyway I need to get ready for work so I shall leave you with this picture, who's quote is particularly delightful: Success is not the key to happiness, happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will succeed....

thats my problem with uni :P I just dont love it!!!!!

freedom, Freedom, FREEEDOM!!!!!

Hooray!
Uni semester is d o n e! And let me tell you, I'm pretty thrilled! Today I am going to be a domestic lady, lets be honest Im no goddess :P Making delicious (hopefully) Roast Pork for dinner, and banana cake for dessert. I also have the joy of doing washing and attempting to clean my room, one will definitely occur, the other may be discarded for guitar hero or some other frivolous activity! I also must get down to say hi to my grandies!

Im still reading The Shack, the more I read, the more I am convinced that we will never truly grasp the wonder and compassion of God, and that perhaps we arent meant to. The intricacies of the trinity, how they are one and three blows my mind, in the pleasant way when you kinda get it, but are too amazed by it to care that there are some aspects you may never get! Its making me feel a lot calmer too, perhaps my quest for fierce independence and power is unneccessary, letting go and letting God is always a better option, and its becoming one in my mind too!

Well I best be off to start this day of domestics, mmm I feel so blessed right now!

listen up!!

Say what you mean!

Relationships can be hard; especially boy-girl friendships. Certainly it can be awkward if one thinks perhaps this FRIEND of mine thinks of me more romantically than platonically. However, it can also be incredibly anal to presume that this is the case. If one does feel this way, don't bring a third party into the mix; this creates a ridiculous sense of he said she said...which goes NO WHERE and causes ample frustration to all parties. I in particular, an incredibly frustrated person at the best of times, do not appreciate these types of situations; if one is concerned that a situation may be awkward due to not knowing the other party's thoughts, they should ask them directly. If you are as good a friends as you suppose, this should be no problem. If indeed the other party does think this is more than a platonic gathering, they will probably be far too embarrassed to say so, hence resolutely deciding to be platonic and avoiding awkwardness completely. Oh look at that, an adult, reasonable, rational and simple solution that does not result in frustration, hilarity and stupidity!

musing

Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets-


Paul Tournier



Im reading this most fascinating book at present; The Shack. I implore anyone and everyone to read it; the tale of one man's desperate struggle to overcome 'the great sadness' of his life.

This book has certainly provoked a great deal of thought; thanks book, not like I think enough!!

But in anycase, this 'story' has again opened my eyes to more. Its one thing to think yeh no worries, me and God are cool, Im happy, we're happy hooray! However sometimes its when you think that everything is rosey that you realise it isnt.



In other news, had a brilliant chat with one of my best mates last night; even when we are just cranking beatles rock band (devestatingly short) or guitar hero, or discussing oscilation, time spent with her is always beneficial and always makes me smile. Shes certainly not afraid of voicing her opinion, if it oposes mine or not, which I love, not only due to my penchant for arguing, but just coz we're incredibly comfortable with each other and can agree to disagree! or shout 'you're wrong'!!
As I say, the only thing worse than someone with a bad opinion is someone with no opinion, and I wouldnt change her ever!

ho hum and a bottle of rum

Im not entirely sure why it is that Ive decided to start this blog. Certainly I dont expect nor care if people read it, and I probably could just type or write these things down in a personal diary or folder on my computer. Prehaps its the permanency of having it online; the dangerous world wide web, purveyor of cybercrime and social ungraces.
Of late I have felt a little lost. Sometimes I think that Ive got it all wrong and am just drifting along this road. Now there isnt really anything wrong with a little drifting, but I havent the patience for it!
I also hate the word I. Whenever I talk about myself, the I s jump out like little pinpoints of selfishness...I mean come on, I cannot complain about ANYTHING! Ive got family who loves me, friends who care and make every moment of life worth while. And then there is this world in which we live; it is the most beautiful thing. We are incredibly lucky to live in this world, whether or not you believe in divine intervention, its amazing. The only thing wrong with this world is that people keep fucking up, hence wrongness!
Anyway, humans also insist on inspid essays being the standard for which intelligence is determined, and I think it better to save my words for that.
Tata